if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
