I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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