i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
