If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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