We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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