You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You know, be my cock's hype man.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
