I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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