She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
