clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
