Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
