Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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