she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
