Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
