I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
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I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
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please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize