Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
