I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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