He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
