His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
