hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We don't watch enough power rangers
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
