Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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