I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize