I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
