why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
accomplished twins. life is a go
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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