respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
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while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize