You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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