No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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