The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
