ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
