i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
