I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
