the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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