Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
