he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
