If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
