he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
