this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
