She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
