even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
