what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
