took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
