duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
