I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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