Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
