Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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