Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
