I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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