Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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