Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
