Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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