nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
