stop calling my apartment porn island.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
