I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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