guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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