mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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