It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
