You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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