She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
