Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
