Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
