theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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