Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The air was thick with penises
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
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