get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
P.S. I can't hear my feet
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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