her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
