Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
