i don't plan on having that self control this summer
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
