Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
