just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
