K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
