Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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