like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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